100 Facts About Our Destination Wedding - MEET MY HUBBY!
Alllll about our destination wedding - EVERY. SINGLE. DETAIL…Hope you’re ready!
*This episode is sponsored by the DESTILOVERS Community!
EPISODE 36
100 Facts About Our Destination Wedding - MEET MY HUBBY!
HEY DESTIS + BRIDEFRIENDS!
I’m soooo excited to introduce you all to my husband!!!
This man has patiently awaited this day and when I say he delivered…he deliverT (yes, with the T!)
I knew I wanted to have him on, but had to figure out the perfect episode for him and then it clicked!
Over the years I’ve received many questions about my destination wedding and I’ve answered them here and there, but they’ve never been in one place - and I was certain I didn’t remember EVERY SINGLE DETAIL…
What did we do?
I figured that the absolute best way to answer your questions AND FINALLY introduce you all to my most favorites person in the world was with this episode! I had to have fun with it and y’all know I like my numbers soooo…
Today we’re sharing 100 facts about our destination wedding with y’all in hopes that you can glean as much information for your own destination wedding planning journey - and get to know us better too!
And it was so much fun!
In fact - it was so much fun, we recorded for much longer than 1 episode can hold. Soooo this will be a multi-part episode. How many parts? All I can tell you is to make sure you subscribe and stay tuned because we go deeper…and deeper…and deeper!
I really don’t think we left any detail untouched, BUT if you have any questions or would like me to elaborate more in another video, drop ‘em in the comments!
And while you’re at it, go ahead and hit that SUBSCRIBE to my channel - I’m back doing weekly videos and if this is helpful for you, tap that thumbs up too!
And if you know of any other couples planning a destination wedding that need this, be a Bridefriend and share this post with them! They’ll thank you for sure!
Ready…let’s goooooo…..
Soooo…what are
100 Facts About Our Destination Wedding?
Click Play and find out!
Enjoy!
xx, Omi
WATCH PART 1 !
WATCH PART 2!
WATCH PART 3!
YOU CAN LISTEN ON THE PODCAST TOO!
Apple Podcasts | Google Play | Stitcher | Spotify | Amazon Podcasts | YouTube
STAY TUNED FOR SHOW NOTES, PHOTOS + DETAILS!
I’ll update this post as so!on ASAP
SHOUT OUT TO THE DESTILOVERS COMMUNITY!
A SPECIAL THANK YOU TO THE DESTILOVERS COMMUNITY!
If you haven’t joined, you should stop missing out NEOW!
xx, Omi
Thank You Che!
To My Husband: I love you soooo very much and appreciate you taking the time for this episode and agreeing to be an absolute open book about our wedding! Your support means the world to me and makes me feel like I can do anything.
You’re my most favoritest person in the world and I’m looking forward to having you BACK on the show!
I couldn’t have done ANY of this without you My Love!
RECAP OF OUR 100 DESTINATION WEDDING FACTS:
FYI: I’ll be rewatching this video soon and will update this post with photos + links that we mentioned!
Follow me on IG + join the DESTILOVERS Community to be immediately notified!
LINKS
*OUR MINIBOOK CARD INVITATIONS @ MINTED *
We chose and customized the Sweet Confetti Style, but really all of them can be customized.
Drop a comment below if you’d like me to do a tutorial.
BUDGETING BLOG POST ON BLACKDESTI BLOG
The “Omi's BIGGEST Mistakes! (And How to Avoid Them)” Episode
Omi’s Wedding Website + App: AppyCouple
ON BLACKDESTI.COM : Omi’s 200 Day Destination Wedding Countdown Diary
MORE COMING Y’ALL!
If there’s anything specific you need, drop a comment or DM me on IG @desti.land and let me know.
We covered a lot!
So that’s it!
I hope our facts were helpful for you!
Thanks for hangin’ out with us!
I’ll see you next week and until then…
I’m wishing you all the best week of your lives and reminding you
to have the time of your life,
planning the best days of your life!
Bye guys!!!
xx, Omi
Thanks for Watching + Listening Bridefriends!
Don’t miss an episode of the
DESTI Guide to Destination Weddings!
SHARE THE LOVE!
Omi's BIGGEST Mistakes! (And How to Avoid Them)
PLEASE learn from my mistakes Brideriends…it’s storytime!
*This episode is sponsored by the DESTILOVERS Community!
EPISODE 34
My BIGGEST Destination Wedding Mistakes! (And How to Avoid Them)
HEY DESTIS + BRIDEFRIENDS!
Guess what y’all…My destination wedding wasn’t perfect!
SURPRISE!!!!
annnnd… NO wedding - destination wedding or not will be perfect.
Okay, I know that probably sounds crazy to say, but I’m coming on today in this super impromptu episode to share my biggest mistakes with y’all!
I have a DESTIBRIDE interview for you next week with Laura, and I’ve made the game time decision to release her interview for Valentine’s Day Weekend so today it’s just you + me! Let’s have a BlackDesti Chat - it’s been a while!
Okay? Okay! So...
As you know, I share my experiences and wedding photos and tips and all the prettiness and I get a lot of great compliments and comments about our destination wedding and I truly appreciate them all!
And this week on the @DESTI.LAND Instagram page I brought back the HMHU 2021 polls and the questions have been soooo bomb! You all are showing out! And I’m so grateful to have you all in the DESTILOVERS Community, and showing up in the live calls and allll the things. It really means a lot to me to have you all join me, share your experiences and also trust me to help you along your DESTIWedding journeys!
I DO NOT TAKE this lightly Bridefriends! And I’m looking forward to answering alllllll of your questions and getting to know you better!
Btw, if you’re brand new and have no idea what I’m talking about when I say DESTILOVERS - make sure you join! It’s our free Community and is an extension of the DESTI Guide to Destination Weddings show!
AND this month’s BRIDEFRIEND BRUNCH is tomorrow, so there’s still time to RSVP depending on when you’re here…
Anyway… back to my imperfect wedding! Where was I ???
Oh yeah, HMHU - this week there was A LOT of use of the word PERFECT when it came to my wedding and I get messages from DESTIBRIDES here and there talking about how they’re worried their wedding won’t be perfect and there’s a lot of fear and anxiety - especially right now with COVID going on...
SO I told y’all that I’m following my vibes more in 2021 so here I am!
I feel compelled to shift things up and come on with y’all today with a bit of vulnerability because y’all need to understand that mistakes were made. PHOTOS ARE SNAPSHOTS - I know we know this so this is just a reminder.
I started the BlackDesti blog, podcast, YouTube channel, allll of this because I’m on a mission to help as many of you as possible know that it is possible to plan a destination wedding. Sharing my experiences and others is my way of not just showing you how to plan a destination wedding, but more importantly - letting you know that you are not alone and YOU CAN DO THIS BRIDEFRIENDS!
And I never want you to think that any of these weddings - including my own was perfect. Even if we said it was perfect - that means perfect FOR US and yours will be perfect FOR YOU!
Soooo today I’m sharing my biggest destination wedding planning mistakes with y’all in hopes that you can AVOID where possible and feel seen if you’ve done the same!
If you have any questions or would like me to elaborate more in another video, drop ‘em in the comments!
And while you’re at it, go ahead and hit that SUBSCRIBE to my channel - I’m back doing weekly videos and if this is helpful for you, tap that thumbs up too!
And if you know of any other couples planning a destination wedding that need this, be a Bridefriend and share this post with them! They’ll thank you for sure!
Ready…let’s goooooo…..
Soooo…what were my biggest destination wedding planning mistakes
AND how can you avoid them?
Click Play and find out!
Enjoy!
xx, Omi
YOU CAN LISTEN ON THE PODCAST TOO!
SHOUT OUT TO THE DESTILOVERS COMMUNITY!
A SPECIAL THANK YOU TO THE DESTILOVERS COMMUNITY!
If you haven’t joined, you should stop missing out NEOW!
xx, Omi
DISCLAIMER!
Keep in mind that MISTAKES DON’T NECESSARILY MEAN REGRETS either. Sometimes you can make a mistake that actually needed to happen or even works out for the better. For some of these I’m actually glad that they happened - even if I didn’t feel that was at the time. Opportunities for growth, boundaries and conversations and decisions that needed to happen can really come from your mistakes!
I will give that disclaimer.
RECAP OF MY DESTINATION WEDDING MISTAKES:
FYI: I’ll be rewatching this video on Monday and will update this post with photos + links that I mentioned!
Follow me on IG + join the DESTILOVERS Community to be immediately notified!
I WAS TOO HONEST
I WAS TOO EMOTIONAL
I WASN’T READY FOR PLAN B
WE MISSED A CONTRACT DETAIL
WE SHOULD’VE PAID CLOSER ATTENTION TO GUEST LIST
OUR BUDGET GOT OUT OF CONTROL
WE REALLY MISS 1 IMPORTANT PHOTO
I PHYSICALLY FORGOT MYSELF
I NEGLECTED AN IMPORTANT OUTFIT
WE SHOULD’VE PREPPED WELCOME GIFTS
I WASN’T FLEXIBLE ENOUGH
WE UNDERESTIMATED TIME
I OVERPACKED
WE DIDN’T MEET ALL VENDORS
THE VIBE NEEDED MORE ATTENTION
So that’s it!
I hope my mistakes were helpful for you! I would never want to deter you from having a destination wedding - so know that wasn’t my intention.
Thanks for hangin’ out with me!
Again, drop any questions or video ideas in the comments. And while you’re at it introduce yourself gimme that #IMADESTI and let me know when and where you’re getting married!
I’ll see you next week with DESTIBRIDE Laura’s interview and until then…
I’m wishing you all the best week of your lives and reminding you
to have the time of your life,
planning the best days of your life!
Bye guys!!!
xx, Omi
Thanks for Watching + Listening Bridefriends!
Don’t miss an episode of the
DESTI Guide to Destination Weddings!
SHARE THE LOVE!
INTRODUCING: DESTILOVERS COMMUNITY!
FINALLY! A place where all my Desti Bridefriends can meet and discuss All Things Desti!
Hey Destis + Bridefriends!
The past few months have been ABSOLUTELY C R A Y for me and we’ll get into all of that soon enough, but right now it’s announcement time!!!
I sent an email to DESTI∙NATION email list over Valentine’s Day weekend, so you may already know this…but if not - it’s happening!!!
And btw…sign up so you don’t miss out again!
Anywho…I’m SOOO happy to finally have a place where all of my Desti Bridefriends can meet and discuss All Things Desti!
The brand spankin’ new, super secret, but not so secret DESTILOVERS Facebook Community is an extension of the show and is your safe space for sharing and collaboration while planning your destination wedding!
Not on Facebook?
No sweat - I totally get it! Sign up anyway and I’ll send you a special link to a page where you can still participate in our Live Q+A’s!
Here’s what you can also look forward to:
💕LIVE Q+A’s! (1st one beginning 02.20.2020 so don’t miss out!)
💕Episode Discussions!
💕Topic Deepdives!
💕 Weekly Desti Happy Hours!
💕 Special Guests!
💕 Giveaways!
💕And More!
This space will be whatever you Bridefriends make it! We’re a family here, so let me know what you need!
We have A LOT of catching up to do and I’ll be updating you on what’s been going on with me in this week’s live Q+A.
See you in there!
xx, Omi
Tales of a Motherless Destination Wedding
what happened? spoiler alert: I lived!
💕This is by far my MOST REQUESTED post, and with good reason. It’s an important topic and it also helps that I added it to my COMING SOON section and then left it sitting there like that last slice of pizza with the least bit of toppings on it...nobody wants to touch that...but you know you do. That was on March 15th, and you haven’t heard a peep from me since. Talk about fear! (more on that later) Adulting has taught me that if you’re avoid something and it’s holding you back, that’s all the more reason to do dat shit!
SO I’M BACK and this is ohsoimportant and close to my heart. so do dat shit I shall...here goes:
I knew it was coming, I just didn’t know when...and then...whoop there it was.
“Hi Omi...I noticed in your 200-day journal that you never mention your mom...
Is she alive?...If so, which one is she in your pictures?..."
Eeek! gasp! pearl clutch! 🙀 - all of the feelings
Why? Because, well as you can tell by the title...my mom wasn’t there.
I knew I wanted to talk about it with you all, make that needed to talk about it, but I didn’t want to be bitchy or ranty because that helps no one. I’m not interested in shitting on my mother and putting that energy out there because, well, I believe it always comes back and I’m not perfect in anyone’s eyes (including my own, more on that later too) and I’d hate a rant post to be done to me.
💕Side bar: Has anyone ever searched “my mom’s a bitch” on Google? Don’t lie Bridefriend... NO?!? Oh that’s just me? Well…I did it for research and there’s actually some entertaining and informational stuff out there in the interwebs if that’s your vibe.
That google search confirmed my feeling that ranting here would be a waste of energy and has been done. Annnd I’m actually in a great place about it since it’s been almost 4 years since I’ve spoken to my mom and coming up on 3 years since my destination wedding. And I can’t count, the hundreds, if not thousands of dollars in therapy that have been invested in myself over that time. Not a perfect place. Just a great enough place to speak clearly and intelligently on it.
And my biggest reason for wanting to share this is to highlight allll of the good shit that came out of my experience. That’s why I do what I do! As I always say,
“I’m learning these lessons the hard way planning my destination wedding,
so why not share the wealth?"
Hard way, check! Wealth sharing, currently in progress…
So let’s talk about my takeaways because I’m putting on my wise old Bridefriend veil and my Big DESTISister heels and she’s feelin’ super cute right now…
Okay here’s the quick and dirty:
My mom didn’t come to my destination wedding.
And I lived. I had the best weekend of my life.
She is alive, she was invited, shit got real, and she didn’t come to my wedding.
And it was the best decision FOR ME. Emphasis on FOR ME.
And did I say that I lived?
And speaking of truth…
This is probably also a great time to make it clear that I am NOT a doctor, therapist or psychologist or mental health professional by any stretch of reality or the imagination. This post is simply my opinions and experiences and although I speak quite definitively of topics related to mental health, this is an opinion and should not be confused for or taken as a diagnosis from a professional.
I’m simply highly opinionated. #therapyrocks!
So what happened?
I LEARNED A LOT! About myself and life. Life lessons galore!
Along my motherless destination wedding planning journey, I’ve come across and gone through some phases, principles epiphanies and concepts that have helped me along the way. I believe something in here will undoubtedly help you no matter where you are in your own journey.
Some of it is simpler basics, and others will require some deep soul searching in the mirror when your fiancé is away type of reflection. Certain parts could be common knowledge and others will blow your socks right. the fuck. off. You may take only 1 with you and throw the rest away...but then come back 2 years down the road when you’re ready for another. I’ll be here. You may hate me or love me in the end. I’m hoping for the love, because
ALL OF IT IS MEANT TO BE HELPFUL.
To end this disclaimer, know that this is meant to be support for you with your parent(s)...or really any strained relationships, but I’m keeping this mother centric because...well, titles...but feel free to sub out mom/mother for any other title and do you boo boo!
So let’s jump in!
My Mom Skipped My Destination Wedding - Here’s What I Learned…ABC Style!
Anxiety
Anxiety is a bitch and you can’t let her get the best of you.
Destination wedding planning stress is anxiety food. And unchecked anxiety will spin out of control, making you feel like life is out of control. Bitch almost stopped me from writing this post. It took me 8 months to get this to you. But we gotta check her.
How? Gotta name these feelings to treat them.
Enter Dr. Gloria Willcox’s "The Feelings Wheel". I use mine often and even gave it a special shout out on Day 121 - This is experience speaking.
This is "The Feelings Wheel" by Dr. Gloria Willcox, it helps to identify the root of feelings by tracing back to one of the main emotions in the center of the chart.
Boundaries
Setting boundaries is necessary. Really fucking hard, but necessary.
Planning a destination wedding naturally forces you to develop your own set of personal boundaries - with your planner, Bridefriends, guests, family, coworkers, strangers, partner - really anyone you come in contact with - especially yourself. And enforcing said boundaries with your mother is probably the hardest job in childbiz. Know that setting new boundaries is healthy and goes a long way in making sure that your wedding planning experience and life happens on your terms.
Codependency
It’s not your job to make other people happy and healthy.
I always thought it was my job to make sure that others were okay. They’re okay, I’m okay. The Lies!
There’s a word for this: I was codependent.
I learned that I am responsible for my own happiness - and that’s a full-time job in itself. I can’t control others and don’t want the responsibility of managing anyone’s emotions but my own.
This book was a life-changer - I recommend the audiobook...it’s good, pinky swear.
Depression
Depression runs in the family and when it hits, it hits hard.
I’ve struggled with depression for a large portion of life and planning a destination wedding provides a great distraction. It’s easier to mask pain when you have sooo many other things to give your attention to - until you don’t.
Do moms cause depression? Hmmm...no? Well, maybe. But not intentionally. Epigenetics suggest that family trauma including depression is inherited.
My depression may never go away, but it’s getting easier to identify and attack before the damage settles. If you think you may suffer from depression, don’t play - get help.
Eco-system
You have the power to control and protect your environment.
I’m super selective about what I let inside my life...at times characterized as being closed off or selfish, but best described as Preserving MY ECO-SYSTEM.
MY eco-system is made up of people who respect and value me and my relationship, welcoming honesty and encouraging growth. It’s a physically, financially and emotionally stable household, loving, supportive and positive actions. It’s my safe space. And it’s a sensitive space. I understand that the introduction of unhealthy behavior, relationships, and energies actually threaten its lifecycle - What we surround ourselves with can have dire consequences. Bullshit drama and unloving actions of any kind are not welcome here.
What’s in your eco-system?
Family
A family is a system and any disruption of a system comes with consequences.
What you’d love to be just between you and your mother will most likely stretch further into the family. But what you are willing to do for your own health and happiness may not be understood or appreciated by your family. Opinions will be shared and alliances forged.
via @desti.land
And something that I hadn’t placed much thought in was also the fact that if I decided to cut ties, that decision would apply additional pressure on siblings - causing them unintentional, but still very real discomfort and frustration.
Your reasons are your own, but they can affect others and I wouldn’t be a true Bridefriend if I didn’t warn you that you could end up the ostracized one in the end. It could really go either way.
Gratitude
There’s a huge difference between gratitude and guilt.
Don’t be ungrateful...ohhh, this one here.
It was hard to raise you, money was tight, you were a difficult child, she was a single mom, she walked 50 miles barefoot in the snow to go to school - all of it...WE GET IT!
But sacrificing yourself and your future because of the past are costs you shouldn’t budget for.
That’s not gratitude, that’s guilt - another G word, by the way.
via @desti.land
Guilt used to manipulate is harmful and is often packaged in a gratitude box because it looks and sounds prettier - but don’t be fooled.
Get grateful for the current. Your loving partner, the life you’re building and the privilege of being able to plan a destination wedding. Not everyone can do this, so appreciate that shit. That’s gratitude.
Her Side of the Story Doesn’t Matter
You gotta end the unhealthy cycle in dysfunctional relationships.
There are 2 sides to every story and I learned that neither are worth the drama.
See, there’s this bitch called the Drama Triangle (aka Karpman Triangle). She has 3 points (because, triangle) - Persecutor, Rescuer, and Victim. These are roles, not people which means that we (people in conflict) can play musical chairs in these roles and power struggle by sliding from one to the next - inflicting pain and taking it back until the cows come home.
It’s addictive, but so damaging - as addictive things usually are. Cut that shit out.
And yes - pettiness counts!
Insecurity
You are not worthless. And don’t forget it.
Insecurity plagues us all, especially women, and most definitely if your relationship with the one woman whose primary job is to nurture your physical and emotional growth is fractured.
via @desti.land
Insecurity latches on to as many life events as possible, always sure to whisper sweet horribilities in your ear…
I mean, if my own mother doesn’t see the value in me and is willing to not be in my life - how worthless am I? Turns out, not worthless at all. I just had to remind myself and seek out assistance from my bomb ass support system.
Self-confidence doesn't just happen. It takes work. Every. Single. Day.
Jealousy and other Toxic Mother/Daughter Behaviors
Mothers can be toxic too.
I’m sure this will rub someone the wrong way but I’m saying it anyway. Life happens to people. Moms are people. And as it turns out, mother/daughter relationships are susceptible to toxic behaviors and patterns.
Like mothers who are:
Dismissive,
Controlling,
Unavailable/Abandoners,
Enmeshed/Vicarious,
Combative,
Unreliable,
Self-involved/Narcissists, and
Role-reversed
Mothers are human and imperfect creatures - WE ALL ARE. Refusing to acknowledge this fact does us all a disservice. This is just reality and experience of many children in this world.
Know that NOTHING is permanent
Your destination wedding is just an event.
via @desti.land
It’s the most gloriously amazingly best thing to ever happen to you right now, but it’s still just an event. It’s not a marker for the end of the world and anyone - including your mother missing your destination wedding doesn’t mean that you’ll NEVER see/speak to/reconnect/reconcile in the future. Just as it doesn’t mean you’ll be lifelong BFFs with every guest.
Think of it as a snapshot in time.
And coming up on my 3rd wedding anniversary, I can tell you that many more snapshots are in store for you.
So be open - not to bullshit...fuck the bullshit, and fuck the Oreos too cuz #weddinggowngoals… but be open to life shifting and growth.
Because nothing, nothing, NOTHING is permanent - unless you want it to be.
Love Languages
What’s love to you may not translate as love to me.
In a random lightbulb moment (don’t we all have those?), I realized that if we all have LOVE LANGUAGES that express how we give and receive love, then it could be useful if applied to all relationships, including that of me + mom.
That lightbulb shined a tad too late for me, but maybe it could help you.
Take the 5 Love Languages Quiz with your spouse and send it to your Bridefriends and key family members too.
My Love Languages are Quality Time and Receiving Gifts. Emphasis on Quality Time - what are yours?
Mortality
We don’t sell ourselves short because people might die.
What if your mom dies and you regret not having her in your wedding?
Here’s your rebuttal: “What if I die and my mother regrets never being the mother that I needed her to be? What if I die a miserable child that never could choose my own health and happiness because of my mother? What if I die always wishing I could’ve had my dream destination wedding, but didn’t because of my mother’s selfish hang ups?”
Need I go on? Because I will.
BOTTOM LINE: We’re focusing on life right now. Agreed Bridefriend?
New New
You don’t HAVE TO do the work, you GET TO do the work
via @desti.land
Desti weddings provide a seemingly never-ending to-do list. It’s all on you and if we let ourselves, we can go down a rabbit hole of negativity. But don’t forget that we’re working for The Great Life!
On Day 23, I learned the importance of focusing on what is gained instead of lost - New Life, New Goals, New Priorities and changed my language.
It’s about the New New baby!
Opportunity
You can’t make people do the right thing. But you CAN give them the opportunity to do the right thing.
via @desti.land
I am NOT saying that everyone deserves a shot (or second shot), because I’m a respecter of boundaries (see above) and I also know there are levels to the toxic mother/daughter relationship (see above again), but don’t sleep on the power of opportunity.
You never know how things will work out.
If it goes well, great!
If it goes bad, at least you can say that you tried.
And sometimes you need that last straw situation to provide a painful comfort in knowing that you did your best.
Preparation
You must prepare yourself for what can go wrong.
You can bet your sweetDESTIAss that I was worried about how I’d feel on my wedding day. So I prepped my ass OFF.
It’s better to be proactive than reactive so, instead of avoiding, attack it:
via @desti.land
See a professional
Read books
Take notes
Roleplay with your hubby or a Bridefriend
And prepare for questions
I was ready for the questions...all but the catalyst for this post. I wasn’t ready for that one. But I’m working through it now and sharing it with you so - progress! (another P word. I’m on a roll here.)
Annnd you’re reading this post, so you’re already taking steps in the right direction. Right on my sistah!
Quality Relationships
Surrounding yourself with quality relationships is a game-changer.
When you do, something funny happens...
the more you’re accustomed to people treating you with respect and valuing you as a person, the harder it gets to accept anything less. Then you get the “oh you think you’re too good for us” or “you forgot where you came from” bullshit.
To that, I say, Yup!
I know I deserve to be treated with respect and refuse to be a part of YOUR drama and bad behavior because guess what: I know what quality relationships look and feel like.
Maybe if they knew better they’d do better too.
Reality Checks
Keeping it real with yourself is not optional.
When life is good, your glasses get rosy. All is well in the world, nothing can go wrong, people are perfect and your destination wedding is the center of the universe. Sorry Desti, time for a reality check!
SNAP OUT OF IT.
What is your life like? What is their life like? And who are people...reeeally?
People are gonna be who they are and the fact that you’re planning a destination wedding will not make a zebra change its stripes.
When you get real, you gain clarity. And with clarity comes confidence...and fewer surprises.
Sentimental
I’d be lying if I said that I didn’t miss my mom
because I did...and at times, I still do. Random memories pop her into my mind, milestones pass and Mother’s Day happens every fucking year. Hell, I chose a wedding gown that I KNOW my mom would’ve loved.
via @destiland
So its true.
I DO get sad that I don’t have the relationship I wish I had and think I deserve - I’m human and sensitive about my shit.
Does that make me throw everything else I value out the window? Nope, it just means that sometimes I get sentimental.
Therapy
Therapy is hard work, but oh so worth it.
Add a therapist to your destination wedding team...and then can keep it going. I’ve had mine for years and she was incredibly helpful in my destination wedding countdown days. I couldn’t imagine going through these times without her - it’d be...ugly.
via @desti.land
I know it’s easier to make up excuses to not go to therapy than to actually put in the work. But taking the time to heal ourselves of emotional and mental trauma is the best thing we can spend our energy on.
I read somewhere that people in therapy often go to therapy to deal with the people in their lives who won’t go to therapy.
I'll just leave that there.
Unconditional Love
Unconditional love doesn’t hurt - it feels great.
via @desti.land
Learning that it’s okay to express my feelings, have my wants and needs, enforce boundaries, make mistakes or just plain disagree with a loved one - and still be loved, respected and supported was an amazing gift.
A hard to receive and remember I own at times kind of gift, but I’m lucky to have that problem AND a spouse that’s willing to keep reminding me that it’s mine whenever I forget.
And I now understand how to appreciate someone despite (and sometimes because of) their flaws, mistakes, or bad ideas, and to judge individuals solely based on how they treat me, not based on how I benefit from them.
Mutual empathy and support just because of who I am?!? A girl can get used to this.
Venting
If you gotta blow off steam, do it responsibly.
via @desti.land
All Bridefriends are not created equal so watch out with this one and choose your ventee carefully.
Make sure they:
Are the right person for this issue,
Have your best interest at heart,
Will keep your conversation private,
Are in a good space to listen to you,
And understand what you need - do you need a fixer or listener?
And PUH-LEASE don’t text vent...we don’t drink and we drive and don’t vent text either. Trust me on this one.
Wedding
The wedding will be here before you know it!
The clock on the wedding planning countdown seems long, but it ticks quickly!
via blackdesti.com
Make enjoyment your mission because this wedding of yours is special and you’re not getting another one (unless your Jackie Christie) so enjoy this time and bask in all your DESTI wedded glory!
Journal like I did (privately works too),
Talk to everyone about it,
Celebrate your milestones along the way,
And try to make the hard parts fun too.
Your wedding will be filled with supportive faces - so the great time is there for you if you want it. Shift your focus on the wedded endgoal which is what?
Say it with me:
TO HAVE THE TIME OF YOUR LIFE, PLANNING THE BEST DAYS OF YOUR LIFE!
Xerox
Don’t forget where you came from.
via @Amazon!
Okay so this one was tricky - I needed an X word because I’ve made it so far! Stick with me here…it makes sense.
Remembering your past provides an opportunity to memorialize your growth and also, pain. And what’s great for memory preservation? Xerox copies! YAYYY!
As They say, Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it. George Santayana, poet + philosopher is They.
So keep a physical or mental Xerox memory of WHY you are where you are. And anytime you’re quizzed, judged or waver about your decision you can literally or figuratively go back to your file - more magic.
You Matter
Two Words: You Matter
My mantra!
I share this with everyone in the middle of difficult decisions especially my Desti Brides because balancing what other people want/need/think, with what do YOU want/need/think is no easy feat.
You gotta put your oxygen mask on first so if there comes a time to choose sides, choose yourself. And you know who else will be on your side? Your spouse. And if you need a reminder, hit me up too! I’m here for the You Matter Chatter all day.
ZERO TOLERANCE
We all need non-negotiables!
A wedding (or life) without non-negotiables is the Wild Wild West. There’s confusion and chaos and thennn when the crazy stuff starts to pop off and everyone is surprised at your flip out - you can only be mad at yourself.
We discussed boundaries, but there are levels and non-negotiable boundaries are where the gold is.
With boundaries, you have wood and chainlink fences, barbed wire, glass panels and brick walls...Or think about it big bad wolf style - you get my point. The non-negotiables are your brick walls...the lines that cannot be crossed. Don’t make me go on here, I’m running out of words. Just nod so I know you’re with me.
Okay, great.
Decide what you ABSOLUTELY will not allow, communicate it to all interested parties and then make it clear that you’re instituting a zero-tolerance policy. And enforce said policy.
I can’t do this one for you, well I can’t do any of this for you...wellll maybe a few things, but I don’t know how happy you’ll be cuz I’m about to call myself a bitch…so, yeah.
BONUS! Because 27 is better than 26.
The bond needs to match the title.
In the wise words of the DESTIBeauty Pro who happens to also be my awesomesauce Bridefriend, Ivory Perkins, “The bond needs to match the title.”
Look: All mother/daughter relationships are not created equal. Crazy idea, I know, but we’ve been over this. For many kids, the idea of being estranged from their mother is equivalent to capital punishment or death by acid drip.
But titles are earned.
And that goes for both mother and daughter. If a person isn’t honoring their own title, then why would I? Just because you have a title, it doesn’t mean you must be treated with a blind level or honor and respect, especially when you’re not honoring your own damn title. That’s a dictatorship.
And my life isn’t a dictatorship - or maybe it is, but I’m the Bitch. Okay, wait... this can get sticky, let me get back to my point:
A mutual bond and respect for titles is in order. Plain and simple.
NOW I KNOW MY ABC’S!
Learning to be there for myself is the best gift I could have earned and I never would have thought that this would happen to me. In all of this, I went through a hell of a lot of self-discovery and most importantly, I’ve learned to love and fight for the woman that I love - Omi.
Do I love my mother? Absolutely.
Do I think she loves me? If I’m being honest - it depends on which day you’re asking me. My mom could think she loves me, or maybe she just loves me in her own way, or it’s even possible that she hates me. I honestly don’t know and may never know.
But that’s the point of this entire post, it doesn’t matter how she feels about me. What does matter is how I feel about myself.
WHAT I DO KNOW is that I’m a Smart, Complex, Beautiful, Sensitive, Genuinely Loving and Phenomenal Woman. (RIP Maya Angelou) Every day I gain a clearer understanding of who I am and what I stand for and I look forward to finding out more and more about myself every day.
Although I didn’t have my mother with me at my destination wedding, I know that this is what I needed. It broke me down and pushed me to build myself up in ways that I never could have imagined. I came out a harder, better, faster stronger woman on the other side.
What I also know is that I have certain needs that I wouldn’t say she’s not capable of...I’d just say she’s not ready to take them on right now...And I’m okay with that.
It doesn’t mean that I’m not good enough, not worthy of love, or a bad person...it just means my mom didn’t come to my destination wedding.
I lived to talk about it, and so will you.
Destination wedding, check! Self-discovery + love project... still in progress.
xx,
Omi
💕Hey Destis + Bridefriends!
Hope you enjoyed this post!
If you did, please let me know in the comments below 👇🏾
and share it with anyone who you think needs this.
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More feelings posts are coming soon!
Yay or Nay to Pre-Wedding Events? | #ASKADESTI LETTERS
to party…or not to party? that is the question.
Photo courtesy of Shenko Photography
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Q
Hi Omi,
I'm new to your podcast but I am already so grateful for the advice you've shared! My fiancé and I live in Chicago and our desti wedding is taking place May 19, 2021, in Cozumel, Mexico. Invitations have been sent.
My fiancé and I could not be more excited! Because our love for each other exists regardless of a wedding, our mentality is that this is a vacation for us to spend time with the most important people in our lives...and "oh, by the way, we're getting married. Please stop by."
We decided to have a destination wedding because it was the most bang for our (i.e., us and our guests') buck. We have been to many non-local weddings and by the time we've paid for our flight, hotel, food, drinks, Uber/rentals, entertainment, etc., we're out about $1k (or more)...in Detroit...or Cleveland...or Indianapolis, you get the picture. For our out of town guests coming to Chicago, it would not be cheap, to say the least. If our loved ones are paying that much money to come celebrate with us, then we want them to get more for their money--an amazing vacation experience and more quality time with the happy couple.
What we have learned is that many people don't realize how much they actually spend to attend a wedding because they aren't seeing the total at once. Because ours is a desti wedding, guests must plan in advance and the price tag seems "scary" to some. Though, it's an all-inclusive so the price is actually incredible for all they are receiving!
As a result, I have had some people (e.g., sadly my MOH) throw shade when I mention pre-wedding events, specifically the bridal shower. Unfortunately, funding the bridal shower is not financially possible for my mother who would be your typical host. My fiancé and I had already planned to fund it ourselves. I am not expecting gifts, though we did create a small registry per family's request; however, we have emphasized that their presence is gift enough and we do not expect gifts.
Is it excessive to want a bridal shower and even a bachelorette party if you are having a desti wedding? I think my MOH's sentiment is that people are already paying a lot to go to the wedding and it would seem greedy to have events where people assume they need to bring a gift and someone else needs to fund the event.
I am always the woman who knows what she wants and does it even if others hate, but I guess I am starting to feel as if I cannot have any pre-wedding events so as to not burden my loved ones further.
Any feedback you can offer is much appreciated!
Thank you,
DESTI IN DISTRESS
Is it selfish to plan a destination wedding
AND
want a bachelorette party or other pre-wedding events?
A
Dear DESTI IN DISTRESS:
First of all - CONGRATULATIONS on your engagement! This is a SUPER awesome + truly amazing time in life for you and I’m sooo excited + appreciative to be able to help in any way possible! And Cozumel is so on my list - I hear there’s a Reggae bar on the island and I gotta go! Reggae + Mexico?!? Uhh yeah!
Secondly - a gigantic THANK YOU for following the blog/podcast/show…all of the things! I get so excited when I hear that Desti brides like you find me and the show helpful!
Okay, so let’s try to soothe some of this concern of yours…
Can I first say that I LOVE that you asked me this question? Because I do.
I appreciate you reaching out and opening up and I feel you 1000%. I’m not sure how much you’ve read or heard so far so lemme tell you a lil about me - My motto is “you’re not the boss of me” and everyone knows that because it’s my funny way of saying I don’t care, I’m doing it anyway…because I want to… But that doesn’t mean that we’re heartless. The people you’ve invited mean a lot to you. Che (my hubby) and I are very much into being happy and setting boundaries, but that doesn’t mean we don’t love and value relationships. Often times, we end up pushing people out of their comfort zone and they’re happy for it. I sense that you and your fiancé have this similarity.
I felt the exact same way as you do and I talked about it a bit on my blog during the countdown…Check out Days 116 and 36 they’re super relevant. PEOPLE were acting UP, but the negativity really was overshadowed by alll of the positivity. We live in Pittsburgh, but Atlanta is home for me and I toiled back and forth about the decision to have a bachelorette party at all. I’m sooo happy that we ended up having a dual bachelor/bachelorette party in Atlanta and extended the invitation to whoever we wanted (not everyone) and the people who were able to (and wanted to) be there were there. We made sure that everyone knew that we were aware of the “extraness” but if they were in, they were welcome. The friends who came were happy to celebrate and create those memories and we're glad we did too. It was awesome and girrlll I had a hard time feeling worthy of it before we pulled the trigger…like...can I ask for this? Is it too much? It can be difficult celebrating yourself, especially if you’re in a better place than your loved ones. You gotta push through that. Some people struggle with their own self-worth so they may think…if I wouldn’t ask for something, how can you? But you can’t let that be pushed on you - that’s not your thing DESTI IN DISTRESS.
You’ve got some amazing once in a lifetime things going on in life right now and want to celebrate it - how can that be a bad thing?
Here’s what I’m thinking:
1. AMEN to calling out the expensive ass non-local weddings…you’ve got a great point - we’ve spent $1000+ on PLENTY of them! Sometimes even more than Desti weddings we’ve attended. Weddings cost guests money - plain + simple.
And you guys are sooo right about the "bang for your buck", BUT that only applies if you’ve experienced all of the things that you have, and understand what comes with an all-inclusive resort. Many guests don’t fall in this category and they just won’t get it until they experience it. Does this make sense?
For example…my dad kept saying over and over how selfish we were for having a Desti wedding + how we should’ve chosen a cheaper resort, etc. I finally had to tell him to shut up about it. “Your opinion is duly noted…no reason to keep sharing it - this is happening.” DESTI IN DISTRESS, he ended up having the best time, apologized to us sooo many times and as it turned out, he’d never stayed at an all-inclusive resort or a hotel as nice as ours, so he had nothing to compare it to. It was just plain ignorance (that sounds bad) make that lack of experience. They just can't get it. And some still may not get it. And that’s okay - don’t talk to them.
2. We had guests who had never been on a plane, no passports, never left their hometowns, have trouble budgeting for regular household + life stuff ...and we also had globe-trotting, financially secure guests…and everything in between. Both groups' abilities and interests were different - and that's to be expected. You know what the ending looks like so stay strong and trust yourself my sista. 👊🏾
BUT I must say...some people are just plain haters…not calling out anyone specifically, but you know if someone is being a hater. This wouldn’t be the first time they acted up and probably won’t be the last. Those are the haters…and Fuck the haters! (or F*ck if that was offensive) and don’t talk to them either 😂
3. I don't believe that it is excessive to want a bridal shower and/or bachelorette party
If this is something you want and don’t want to miss out on simply because of your wedding location, I’m with you. I was you. I’ve also interviewed and worked with many Desti Brides in your position. If you want people to come, you gotta try to make it easy for them. And easy doesn’t always mean the same for all. To make it easier for people, you can get creative with it. Think about what you want and are willing to do and make a list of all the people you’d want at your shower or bachelorette party. Ask them if they’d be down and see what they say. You could be surprised what happens. They should be honest so be prepared for it to go either way. But one person doesn’t get to (and shouldn’t try to) decide how you’ll celebrate. Majority rules in these cases.
That doesn’t mean you sell yourself short either.
Don’t do something, or invite someone, or go somewhere you’re not gonna enjoy. Find a happy medium and have fun with it!
Maybe you plan to have your bachelorette party in Cozumel or maybe in Playa after your meet + greet event if you’re having one. Or just any night where the majority of your friends are already there. That way no extra travel is necessary. Bring your tiara, sash or whatever you want! Try to avoid doing this the night before the wedding if possible - watch Desti Tressa’s interview and learn from her story 🙀
Maybe you have multiple mini-events. I have a girlfriend who had 3 showers…1 back home in Connecticut for fam, 1 in DC for anyone willing to travel w/ her, and then 1 in Pittsburgh where she lives for that group…it was more traveling for her but she had a ball multiple times and everyone was happy. In my case...In addition to the Atlanta trip, I had a mini Bach party with my sisters in law since they weren’t able to go to the wedding. It was cool and I enjoyed getting dressed up and partying multiple times too! I have different types of friends and everyone can’t afford to do the things I love to do. The fix: multiple mini-events.
Maybe you do something on a smaller scale that doesn’t require a lot…slumber party (I wanna do one so bad), wine tasting, go to a festival, take a gym class, something lightweight.
Maybe you subsidize a part or all of the celebrations. It sounds like what you’re thinking of and I like it. Like you book the hotel room, the restaurant space, the food + drink, the house if you’re going out of town, or something like that. Or you throw the party and people just come.
*Oh and if you’ve emphasized that you don’t expect gifts, you did your part. If anyone is questioning whether you’re genuine in this statement - they’re probably a hater. And you know how I feel about haters - see #2. And really - I don’t see anything wrong with gifts in the first place - had to say it. Anyway…where was I? Oh yeah...
Maybe you don’t want both a shower and bachelorette - choose one.
Have fun with it! Orrr…..
Maybe you’re big ballin’ and wanna take your friends on an all-expenses-paid trip. If that’s the case - don’t forget about me!
I’m serious.
But for real DESTI IN DISTRESS, here’s the thing: the fact that you’re even concerned about making your loved ones uncomfortable or feel burdened says a lot about you. I heard this quote from somewhere that said… "assholes don’t care if they’re being assholes.” DESTI IN DISTRESS: the fact that you’re asking this proves that you’re a thoughtful person. Assholes don't ask if they’re being assholes.
You’re not an asshole…
…at least not for being a Desti bride and wanting to celebrate with pre-wedding events.
Know that celebrating yourself is not a bad thing - it’s actually awesome! Not too many do it enough so YOU lovebirds need to DO YOU and keep being okay with it through this journey. and I’ll keep reminding you along the way.
I wrote a blog post while we were planning our wedding...I think it’ll resonate with you.
Wow that was a lot…hope that helps DESTI IN DISTRESS! Thank you so much for enjoying the show, reaching out and trusting me enough to share my 2 cents with you…even though I gave more like my 20 cents!
And if you have any more questions, let’s have a lil pow wow soon!
Seriously…I can tell you so much more that I can type you 😂
xx, Omi
Soooo…. what do you Destis + Bridefriends think? What say ye to the additional pre-wedding events if you’re already planning a destination wedding? Let’s continue the conversation in the comments below👇🏾see you in there! Love ya lots! xx, Omi
#ASKADESTI
This was just 1 of MANY questions I receive every week! Get your questions answered and connect with HUNDREDS of other Bridefriends planning their own destination weddings too by joining DESTI∙NATION today!
Don’t miss an episode of the DESTI Guide to Destination Weddings!
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I Interviewed 8 Other Destination Brides - Here’s What I Learned…
I asked each bride how to plan a destination wedding and they delivert! - with a t!
I asked each bride how to plan a destination wedding and they delivert! - with a t!
To kick off the NEW SEASON, I needed to first - reflect on my favorite destination wedding planning lessons learned from each Desti Bride that I had the pleasure of interviewing in Season 1 of the DESTI (formerly Bridefriends’) Guide to Destination Weddings Podcast!
So I’ve had the pleasure of interviewing quite a few Destis and the interviews will continue through Season 2 and beyond, but the RELEASED episodes were those of 8 #DESTIBride trailblazers by the names of Rashonda, Shari-Ann, Lea, Chevita, Jackie, Porsha, Aiesha, and Ericka. I was able to chat with these ladies in pretty much every stage of my planning my destination wedding - early stages, in the middle, right before and even after so I’ve absorbed their advice from different perspectives...
Soooo…I thought it’d be fun and hopefully helpful in the process to share my favorite tip from each of them.
Here are my most favoritest destination wedding planning tips from each DestiBride…
Enjoy!
WATCH THE FULL VIDEO ON DESTITV!
THESE 8 DESTI Brides Taught Me Soo Much About Destination Wedding Planning!
How Do I Plan A Destination Wedding?
Rashonda
SPREADSHEETS+COMMUNICATION | Episode 1
Shari-Ann
RESEARCH, INTERVIEW, REVIEWS, REFERRALS | Episode 2
Lea
INFORMED GUESTS | Episode 5
Jackie
ASK FOR HELP | Episode 12
Porsha
DON’T BE AFRAID - BE EMPOWERED! | Episode 14
Aiesha
INFUSE YOURSELF INTO PROJECTS | Episode 18
Ericka
MAKE SELF-LOVING DECISIONS | Episode 20
The Formula
These Destis of Season 1 provided the ultimate formula for a successful and happy destination wedding planning experience…
ORGANIZATION AND COMMUNICATION + THOROUGH RESEARCH + INFORMED GUESTS + A DRESS [OR OUTFIT] THAT YOU LOVE + ASKING FOR HELP + BEING FEARLESS AND EMPOWERED + INFUSING YOURSELF INTO PROJECTS + MAKING SELF-LOVING DECISIONS …
That’s all you need to pull off a successful and stress-free destination wedding!
TO MY DESTIS OF SEASON 1:
I COULDN'T HAVE DONE IT WITHOUT YOU!!!
I appreciate you being my Initial Bridefriends and for helping not only me plan my own destination wedding, but you’ll forever be able to help countless others through your open and honest interviews as well.
I am so grateful for you!
Don’t miss an episode of the DESTI Guide to Destination Weddings Podcast!
Apple Podcasts | Google Play | Stitcher | Spotify | YouTube
QUOTE OF THE WEEK:
“There is a special place in hell for women who don’t help other women. ”
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30 Days to My Destination Wedding! - THE RUNDOWN
Our founder, Omi is @ 30 days! To celebrate she’s sharing her proposal, engagement, and stories along destination wedding planning journey! Somebody pop a bottle!
WATCH MY FULL VIDEO ON DESTITV!
DestiChat w/ BlackDesti:
30 Days to My Destination Wedding!
Proposal, Engagement, and the Beginning of My Desti Planning Journey
In this episode, I’m feeling all warm and fuzzy since my Desti wedding is in less than 30 days, so we have 1-on-1 Desti Chat with me...yours truly...your hostess, Omi aka, BlackDesti! I share how I met my amazing fiancé, the beginning of our destination wedding planning journey, give a couple of tips and celebrate 30 days!
Links as promised!
Interview w/ Sarah Kline of Time for Travel (my Travel Agent!)
Secrets Maroma Beach (Our Resort!)
Thanks for Listening!
Don’t miss an episode of the DESTI Guide to Destination Weddings Podcast!
Subscribe for Instant Notifications!
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#ASKADESTI LIVE: Destination Wedding Planning Q+A Ep. 4
ASKADESTI Live Q+A Episode 4: 16 days til Christmas + 16 of MY BEST Destination Wedding Planning Money Tips!
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Ever wondered how to plan a destination wedding? Well wonder no more!
Because we have 16 days until Christmas I'm giving 15 MY BEST Destination Wedding Planning Budgeting/Money Saving Tips + A BONUS!
Don't be afraid to Like, Share + Comment!
💕 My DESTINATION BRIDE tee can be found here in the DESTI shop here
(for reference, I'm wearing a SMALL)
THE PRE-LAUNCH PARTY SALE IS STILL GOING ON, so grab yours and see what else I have for you and your favorite Desti!
*This is a recording of my weekly ASKADESTI LIVE Series - every Saturday @10am EST.
If you likey - Share! + Feel free to ask your own questions in the comments and tips! Please don’t be afraid to chime in on discussions to help your other Bridefriends out!
Thanks for watching! More videos coming soon!
To be notified of the next live recording, Be sure to follow our FB page and accept the ASKADESTI Live event invite here!
Enjoy!
For my Facebookers, here's the link to the live session on the BlackDesti Facebook page (follow to be notified of the next episode!):
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#ASKADESTI LIVE: Destination Wedding Planning Q+A Ep. 3
ASKADESTI Live Q+A Episode 3: This episode was dedicated to destination wedding guests!
Subscribe to the DESTI Podcast!
Ever wondered how to plan a destination wedding? Well wonder no more!
This episode was dedicated to destination wedding guests!
Today I unveiled my wedding dress 6 MONTHS later and answered questions + shared my thoughts on:
💕 Destination Wedding welcome events and gifts
💕 Destination Wedding guest attire
💕 Destination Wedding guest +1's
💕 Adult-Only destination weddings?!? ~ The Unplugged Ceremony [photo-free wedding] + more in live Q+A!
💕 My THIS IS MY DESTINATION WEDDING PLANNING tee can be found here in the DESTI shop here:
THE PRE-LAUNCH PARTY SALE IS STILL GOING ON, so grab yours and see what else I have for you and your favorite Desti!
*This is a recording of my weekly ASKADESTI LIVE Series - every Saturday @10am EST.
If you likey - Share! + Feel free to ask your own questions in the comments and tips! Please don’t be afraid to chime in on discussions to help your other Bridefriends out!
Thanks for watching! More videos coming soon!
To be notified of the next live recording, Be sure to follow our FB page and accept the ASKADESTI Live event invite here!
Enjoy!
ALSO ON FACEBOOK:
Our 1st Curacao destination wedding DESTIBRIDE interview!